Since I began my journey with the Lord, I have experienced many situations that my old self would say is a "coincidence." Now, that I have stepped out into the light, I realize not only that there is a supernatural world, but that a lot of situations are not just coincidental, but it's the hand of God at work in my life. I feel very blessed that God chose me to help bring people together. I am glad that He has given me a very important part in His plan. I am glad that it's never too late to come "home."
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Encounter Part 2
Here it is...my second encounter with the Lord. Again, He took me in His arms & held me. I asked Him, "if I am healed, then why is it still painful?" & He told me to be patient because it is in His time & that His time is completely different from my time. He also told me to keep believing & that He has alot of work for me to do. That day, as He patiently waited, I gave up my fears, my doubt, my anger, my life, my marriage, my daughter to Him. I asked Him for continued guidance & protection over everything & everyone in my family. I know when I was crying & he was holding me, I did see blue. I am told that "blue" represents either heaven or peace. I believe it was God filling me up with his peace. God is so good. He is always there whenever I need Him. I continue to stand on His promise of healing. And I will continue to be a walking testimony for Him. I know that He is preparing us for the battle that lies ahead of us & I know that we will overcome anything because of Him!
Friday, July 24, 2009
Jesus shops at Wal-Mart
Okay, so....the other day I went to Wal-Mart & was walking down an aisle alongside a mom & her 2 boys. I stopped to look at something & as the family passed me, the little boy (about 2 or 3 years old) looked towards me & said "Jesus." I looked up & thought to myself, "did that boy just say Jesus or am I hearing things?" The mom repeated him, "Jesus?" and he answered back, "Jesus." Earlier that day, I was experiencing a lot of pain & had asked Jesus to please be with me & occupy my mind so that I don't think about the pain. Little did I know that He would actually go shopping with me at Wal-Mart. I am blessed! Praise God, He is so good to me!
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Disappointed
So, yes I'm disappointed & shocked at "the results" from the PET scan. I say "the" because I do not accept it nor do I own it. It is not mine! A couple of days after my surgery, my mom was approached by her coworker & was asked if she & a friend could come to pray for me. So, on Saturday, July 4, I had my very first encounter with God.
As the music played while they prayed, I could feel His presence come upon me...like a down comforter, so warm, so soft, so "comforting." I immediately began to cry when I saw Him, thinking of all the things I have done in my life to disappoint Him. He took me in His arms, like a father does to a baby, & held me, cradled me, stroked my hair, & told me that everything was going to be okay. I stopped crying & saw that he was reaching into my armpit & pulling out this purple ribbon. The purple ribbon was the cancer & He was pulling it out from my body & throwing it up into the sky...the sky then became dark & soon the wind blew & blew it all away. I then saw a brightness that just cannot be explained & he was pouring that brightness into me. Filling me up & overflowing me with His love. I heard singing & looked up & saw that the angels were singing & dancing. They were the most beautiful beings I've ever seen & the songs were heavenly. Then almost like looking into a mirror, He stood in front of me & every breath I took, He took as well. I then looked down & I saw myself, He opened up my brain - which somehow looked like a bookshelf - & started rearranging things. At first I didn't understand what He was doing, but seconds later I heard Cathy ask Him to please help me to understand Him more so that I can continue to do His will & to change my frame of mind to be more like His own. Ahhh, so now I understood! Then, Cathy asked me if Jesus wanted me to go back home & I said yes & as I said that I could feel Him placing me back down gently, like a baby being put down for a nap. I awoke with a smile on my face & a testimony to share. Jesus has promised to heal me from this cancer. He has told me that He has a lot of work for me to do. And that this is only the beginning...that there is much more in store for me. I believe that I am healed, miracles do happen to those who believe, & with Jesus on my side, nothing is impossible. I hope that this entry has touched your heart & that God blesses you as well.
As the music played while they prayed, I could feel His presence come upon me...like a down comforter, so warm, so soft, so "comforting." I immediately began to cry when I saw Him, thinking of all the things I have done in my life to disappoint Him. He took me in His arms, like a father does to a baby, & held me, cradled me, stroked my hair, & told me that everything was going to be okay. I stopped crying & saw that he was reaching into my armpit & pulling out this purple ribbon. The purple ribbon was the cancer & He was pulling it out from my body & throwing it up into the sky...the sky then became dark & soon the wind blew & blew it all away. I then saw a brightness that just cannot be explained & he was pouring that brightness into me. Filling me up & overflowing me with His love. I heard singing & looked up & saw that the angels were singing & dancing. They were the most beautiful beings I've ever seen & the songs were heavenly. Then almost like looking into a mirror, He stood in front of me & every breath I took, He took as well. I then looked down & I saw myself, He opened up my brain - which somehow looked like a bookshelf - & started rearranging things. At first I didn't understand what He was doing, but seconds later I heard Cathy ask Him to please help me to understand Him more so that I can continue to do His will & to change my frame of mind to be more like His own. Ahhh, so now I understood! Then, Cathy asked me if Jesus wanted me to go back home & I said yes & as I said that I could feel Him placing me back down gently, like a baby being put down for a nap. I awoke with a smile on my face & a testimony to share. Jesus has promised to heal me from this cancer. He has told me that He has a lot of work for me to do. And that this is only the beginning...that there is much more in store for me. I believe that I am healed, miracles do happen to those who believe, & with Jesus on my side, nothing is impossible. I hope that this entry has touched your heart & that God blesses you as well.
Monday, July 20, 2009
Pre-Results
It's early in the morning & I am supposed to be getting ready for my physical therapy appointment, but of course I wanted to blog a little before I head out the door. I am totally not looking forward to physical therapy because I still feel stiff & I'm afraid that the therapist will look at me as if I didn't try to do my exercises at home. To be completely honest, I think that if she expects me to have a better range of motion in a month, than I think I should be seeing her daily. Now, I know that's not about to happen because the lady only works 3 times a week! So, I don't know...go figure...at least we'll find out today from the PET scan exactly why my range of motion sucks so bad.
PET scan results...hmmm...okay, I'd be lying if I told you that I wasn't anxious or nervous. I just wanna know already though, you know, so that I can continue to move forward...Well, looks like my time is up & now I really have to go to get ready for PT. I'll blog again once I find out my results. Thinking positive & hoping for the best!
PET scan results...hmmm...okay, I'd be lying if I told you that I wasn't anxious or nervous. I just wanna know already though, you know, so that I can continue to move forward...Well, looks like my time is up & now I really have to go to get ready for PT. I'll blog again once I find out my results. Thinking positive & hoping for the best!
Saturday, July 18, 2009
My Mastectomy
So, what is it like to lose a boob? Well, you know at the beginning of my journey I was so intent in preserving the breast that I did everything except for surgery. But, now when I look back, I think my life & my health is way more important than my boob. They've said that they can reconstruct it later, but I've been thru too many surgeries that right now, it's just not a priority for me anymore. I can truly say that I don't really care what people think if they see that I only have 1 boob. It's funny though because when I had my mastectomy, they had also performed a lift on the other side...so, I got one really pretty, perky boob & one flat, deflated piece of skin. Anyway, having a mastectomy is not that bad except for the pain from the drainage. I do not know how women can electively choose to have a boob job. For me, I don't want to go thru this type of pain ever again.
Friday, July 17, 2009
Radiation Sucks!
During my little break from chemo, the doctor forgot that I still needed to "resect" my breast because of the positive margins & instead he sent me to get radiation therapy. Radiation therapy was easy. You go in, change into a hospital gown, lay on a table, wait for the machine to beep & move around you & then you're done. No pain, no short term side effects...easy as pie! Then you go home, apply aloe on your skin at least 3 times a day to prevent any burns. This happens everyday for about 6 weeks. What you find out later that no one really tells you is that the radiation beam is slowly damaging all your tissue & creating really tough scar tissue. And if you're not careful, the scar tissue is so bad that you lose your range of motion or even worse, if you had your lymph nodes removed, you also develop lymphedema if you haven't developed it already. If the radiation doctor only told me to remember to keep exercising my arm consistently then I don't think I would be in the condition I am in right now. Don't take for granted the simple act of being able to stretch your arm above your head. I would give anything to do it right now...
Things I wish I knew beforehand...
Okay, so there's a couple of things I have learned about cancer & chemo & radiation that I feel everyone should know before they experience it. I know that if I knew what I know now, some of the decisions I made would definitely be different.
1. Choose your doctor carefully. Treat the first appointment like an interview. Remember that the doctor is supposed to partner with you on everything. You are paying him/her to help you with your health. If you don't feel comfortable or you feel that you or not a top priority, then you need to keep looking. Ask both your primary care practitioner as well as your ob/gyn for any suggestions.
2. Keep good records of all your doctor's appointments & try to bring someone with you if possible so that they can help you record anything that the doctor says. Also keep good records of any medications that you are currently taking - they will ask this each & every time you visit your doctor. I've started to use a At-A-Glance QuickNotes Datebook to record anything & everything. It helps keep me & my appointments organized.
3. If you feel you need physician assistance at any time, do not hesitate to call your doctor. They are always reachable. Doctors carry around cell phones & pagers for a reason.
4. While at the doctor's office, do not feel like you are limited to a certain amount of time. The doctor should take the time to answer any questions that you may have. If you are feeling rushed, then you need to look for another doctor.
5. Although radiation may seem easier than chemo, it's actually tougher on your skin & sometimes creates so much scar tissue that you lose your range of motion. Also, the side effects of radiation are sometimes delayed. You may not feel a tightness from the scar tissue radiation creates until after some time has elapsed (sometimes as long as 3 months after treatment). So during radiation, continue to do exercises that help with your range of motion. I currently do not have my full range of motion in my left arm & I'm seeing a physical therapist at least twice a week. It's so painful stretching out the bundled up nerves & skin that I usually take a couple of Motrin to get me thru the session. Also, try to do your exercises at home no matter how difficult or painful they are.
6. I continued to work while I went thru treatment. But, at times, I did push myself to my limit. Don't be like me...take a break when necessary & take a day off when you need it. It'll help your body to heal faster if you're able to rest.
7. Don't ever second guess your gut feeling...you know your body best. If you feel like somethings not right, check it out asap.
8. Eat healthy & don't skip meals, even if you don't have the time. Always carry around something small in your purse - like a granola bar. You can't heal your body if it's not fueled properly. If you can't eat or taste because of the chemo, I suggest Ensure, the chocolate flavor...it's like a chocolate milkshake, but better for you.
9. Learn that you can't do this all on your own & it's okay to ask for help. This doesn't make you look weak, but smart. Remember, you are not a superhero!
10. Keep thinking positive & smile a lot even when you don't feel like smiling. It's funny, I didn't realize how grouchy I've been until I really asked the people around me. I thought I was being positive, but they saw it otherwise. Don't get me wrong, it's okay to have a bad day or two, but don't ever let that get in the way of what really makes you feel positive. Remember, what you put out into the universe will come back to you twofold, so be careful (The Secret).
1. Choose your doctor carefully. Treat the first appointment like an interview. Remember that the doctor is supposed to partner with you on everything. You are paying him/her to help you with your health. If you don't feel comfortable or you feel that you or not a top priority, then you need to keep looking. Ask both your primary care practitioner as well as your ob/gyn for any suggestions.
2. Keep good records of all your doctor's appointments & try to bring someone with you if possible so that they can help you record anything that the doctor says. Also keep good records of any medications that you are currently taking - they will ask this each & every time you visit your doctor. I've started to use a At-A-Glance QuickNotes Datebook to record anything & everything. It helps keep me & my appointments organized.
3. If you feel you need physician assistance at any time, do not hesitate to call your doctor. They are always reachable. Doctors carry around cell phones & pagers for a reason.
4. While at the doctor's office, do not feel like you are limited to a certain amount of time. The doctor should take the time to answer any questions that you may have. If you are feeling rushed, then you need to look for another doctor.
5. Although radiation may seem easier than chemo, it's actually tougher on your skin & sometimes creates so much scar tissue that you lose your range of motion. Also, the side effects of radiation are sometimes delayed. You may not feel a tightness from the scar tissue radiation creates until after some time has elapsed (sometimes as long as 3 months after treatment). So during radiation, continue to do exercises that help with your range of motion. I currently do not have my full range of motion in my left arm & I'm seeing a physical therapist at least twice a week. It's so painful stretching out the bundled up nerves & skin that I usually take a couple of Motrin to get me thru the session. Also, try to do your exercises at home no matter how difficult or painful they are.
6. I continued to work while I went thru treatment. But, at times, I did push myself to my limit. Don't be like me...take a break when necessary & take a day off when you need it. It'll help your body to heal faster if you're able to rest.
7. Don't ever second guess your gut feeling...you know your body best. If you feel like somethings not right, check it out asap.
8. Eat healthy & don't skip meals, even if you don't have the time. Always carry around something small in your purse - like a granola bar. You can't heal your body if it's not fueled properly. If you can't eat or taste because of the chemo, I suggest Ensure, the chocolate flavor...it's like a chocolate milkshake, but better for you.
9. Learn that you can't do this all on your own & it's okay to ask for help. This doesn't make you look weak, but smart. Remember, you are not a superhero!
10. Keep thinking positive & smile a lot even when you don't feel like smiling. It's funny, I didn't realize how grouchy I've been until I really asked the people around me. I thought I was being positive, but they saw it otherwise. Don't get me wrong, it's okay to have a bad day or two, but don't ever let that get in the way of what really makes you feel positive. Remember, what you put out into the universe will come back to you twofold, so be careful (The Secret).
The Beginning...
So here I go....the beginning of the chronicles that I call my life. Funny, I always wondered how people "blog" and never really thought that it was a free thing to do. Boy, was I ever wrong. Okay, so I know that most of you are wondering what the heck is a poop on a poopstick? Well, thanks to my good friend Lisa, it's a way of swearing without using any obscenities or offending anyone. Let me tell you, this phrase has been used quite a bit this past year when I was diagnosed with breast cancer.
My name is Sharla. I am 36 years old, a mother of a 3 year old, a loving wife of 6 years, & a cancer fighter. Last year, the day after Mother's Day, I was diagnosed with breast cancer - stage 3c to be exact. I was devastated when I received the news! I didn't understand how I could possibly have cancer when there was no history of it in my family. I was angry! What did I do to deserve this? I am too young! Just when it seemed like everything in my life was falling into place, it took a wrong turn.
I was tested for the BRCA gene which came back negative, had surgery in June 08 to remove my lump & lymph nodes (33 of them were removed, 17 were infected) & later found out in Aug 08 that I still had positive margins. I had 2 options - a mastectomy or start treatment asap. At the time, I was so concerned about saving the breast, so I opted to start treatment. I was also worried that if we waited any longer, the cancer would spread. So, we began chemo treatment on September 26, 2008. Chemo was every other Friday for a total of 4 months, 8 cycles & was supposed to end January 2, 2009. Well, chemo actually ended on April 10, 2009 because life doesn't always go as you plan it...about a week after the 4th chemo treatment, I came down with a fever & was told to take myself to the emergency room. The doctors at the ER didn't know what was wrong with me & thought that I had caught some kind of virus & put me on antibiotics. A couple of days later, my mom noticed that I looked a bit yellow & we later found out that due to my weakened immune system, I had a hepatitis B flare up. The chemo treatments were postponed until I fully recovered. So, I took a chemo break from November 21 - February 27. Looking back on things now, I kind of wish I didn't wait so long to restart chemo.
So, fast forward to today...where am I at now? I just recently had a mastectomy (June 29th to be exact) & was supposed to have a reconstruction done at the same time using my lattisimus muscle, but like I've said before, "life doesn't always go as you plan it," & instead the surgeons found a new tumor - this time in my armpit. They didn't remove it yet because they don't exactly know what they are dealing with & as I am told, there are "critical structures" in the armpit & if they remove too much I could lose the use of my arm. I just recently had a PET scan, results are on Monday & I have an MRI scheduled for the 22nd. The pathology results from the breast they removed came back showing that the breast still had some residual tumor in it. Which means to me that the chemo drugs didn't work & that we're dealing with a very aggressive kind of cancer. It's time to switch doctors!
My name is Sharla. I am 36 years old, a mother of a 3 year old, a loving wife of 6 years, & a cancer fighter. Last year, the day after Mother's Day, I was diagnosed with breast cancer - stage 3c to be exact. I was devastated when I received the news! I didn't understand how I could possibly have cancer when there was no history of it in my family. I was angry! What did I do to deserve this? I am too young! Just when it seemed like everything in my life was falling into place, it took a wrong turn.
I was tested for the BRCA gene which came back negative, had surgery in June 08 to remove my lump & lymph nodes (33 of them were removed, 17 were infected) & later found out in Aug 08 that I still had positive margins. I had 2 options - a mastectomy or start treatment asap. At the time, I was so concerned about saving the breast, so I opted to start treatment. I was also worried that if we waited any longer, the cancer would spread. So, we began chemo treatment on September 26, 2008. Chemo was every other Friday for a total of 4 months, 8 cycles & was supposed to end January 2, 2009. Well, chemo actually ended on April 10, 2009 because life doesn't always go as you plan it...about a week after the 4th chemo treatment, I came down with a fever & was told to take myself to the emergency room. The doctors at the ER didn't know what was wrong with me & thought that I had caught some kind of virus & put me on antibiotics. A couple of days later, my mom noticed that I looked a bit yellow & we later found out that due to my weakened immune system, I had a hepatitis B flare up. The chemo treatments were postponed until I fully recovered. So, I took a chemo break from November 21 - February 27. Looking back on things now, I kind of wish I didn't wait so long to restart chemo.
So, fast forward to today...where am I at now? I just recently had a mastectomy (June 29th to be exact) & was supposed to have a reconstruction done at the same time using my lattisimus muscle, but like I've said before, "life doesn't always go as you plan it," & instead the surgeons found a new tumor - this time in my armpit. They didn't remove it yet because they don't exactly know what they are dealing with & as I am told, there are "critical structures" in the armpit & if they remove too much I could lose the use of my arm. I just recently had a PET scan, results are on Monday & I have an MRI scheduled for the 22nd. The pathology results from the breast they removed came back showing that the breast still had some residual tumor in it. Which means to me that the chemo drugs didn't work & that we're dealing with a very aggressive kind of cancer. It's time to switch doctors!
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